Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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