Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
