I accidentally burped into my bong.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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