I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
