just tell him i said nine months
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
