While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize