so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
