This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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