just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
