I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
