just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
