Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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