I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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