my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
