my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
