you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
