My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
