You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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