Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
