last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
