My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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