god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
