she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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