I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
