Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
