dude i'm inner monologue high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why do cheetos always look like penises
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
