At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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