JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
