That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
