I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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