cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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