guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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