life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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