That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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