what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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