dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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