You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
