my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
