i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
