and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
