mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
