so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize