Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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