WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize