my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
