I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
