He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
