sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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