I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
