You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
