does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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