If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize