Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
