You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
