i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize