he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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