Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
