so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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