i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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