You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
