I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
