in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
