All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize