like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
