i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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