my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
