Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
