All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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