that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
