He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize