Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
