yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
