I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
