Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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