he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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