Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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