So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
