Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
