Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
