You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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