I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
