She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
