ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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