I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
