Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
