Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
