My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
