She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
