Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
