I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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