I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
