Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
id be glad to
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
