So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No subtext here. People are naked.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
