I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
