If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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