have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
