Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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