ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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