Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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