The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
