I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
