I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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