So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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