the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
