Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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