my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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