Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize