forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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