Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize