I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
