woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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