Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
